when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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