take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
