He told me they were just razor bumps!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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