I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
