Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
