just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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