i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
