Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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