That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
