I hope mine doesn't look like that
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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