friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
