I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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