Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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