trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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