Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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