The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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