how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
