Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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