you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
