honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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