things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
