Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
