hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
