i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
