dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
