Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
