I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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