My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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