Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
