even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
