i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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