just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just forgot I was standing up.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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