At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
