big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
