I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The uberlube is also flammable
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
