just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
