Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
