Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
