Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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