I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
