New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
