im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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