apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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