I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
