I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
