You're my little dorito
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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