1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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