Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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