He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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