so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
