I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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