Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
