whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
