Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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