Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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