can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
