i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
