oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
