I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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