I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
