I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
