Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize