You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
