i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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