I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
